A space to post my thoughts and musings about anything. This includes but is not limited to community, politics, current events, dating, GLBTQ issues, favorite things, and stuff that would make your dead relatives blush. I am not afraid to go there, as some can attest.

July 23, 2009

Thoughts on Dating

It seems that shortly after I wrote about how I couldn't watch the video for Beyonce's Halo because it made me go to the "I need a BF" place, God/Karma/Fate/Evil Bunnies/etc. decided to remind me that I had better damn well take my time with being on my own and finding that right person, or I am going to screw myself out of years of happiness.

To make a long story short, after watching several couples in action and discussions where I have been the listening ear because someone is completely and utterly unhappy with their partner in more ways than one (I'm not counting sex issues, everyone seems to have those), it makes me wonder just how many people were in the position I was in of feeling that bit of loneliness or vulnerability and just settled for the next person that came along. I've made that mistake, I've repeated that mistake, dammit, I am not going to do that again.

I've just also reached this point where I really don't feel like getting into serious dating with anyone right now, and it's purely for selfish reasons (I am a Scorpio after all). It would be hard for anyone who knows me (friend or more) to deny that I am a giver, meaning that I give a lot more to another person than I take from them. That would be fine and dandy, except at times I've become too concerned about the other person and stopped taking care of myself so much. That has got to stop because I really should take care of myself first before I give to someone else. I am liking that right now I pretty much have the freedom to do what I want, when I want, and for the most part if there's anyone who doesn't like it, they can kiss my ass. It's why that despite my bitching a while back about the people who look at me in horror that I was going on travel by myself, it hasn't stopped me from continuing to go, because deep down, some of them are probably jealous that I'm not tied down like they are.

If one hasn't figured it out already, I'm very independent, and it has driven past boyfriends and girlfriends crazy. Going back to that I tend to give much more than I take, they get used to that I am pleasing them so they figure that I'll always do what they want to do, and then they get a nasty shock when they discover that if there is something I really truly want to do, I'm going to do it. If they say they don't want to do it, I have no qualms about doing it on my own. They can't seem to wrap their brains around the concept that I may get an enjoyment out of pleasing them, but I'm still my own person.

Until I find the person that can respect the fact that I will act independently of them when I so choose, and that they also have their own sense of independence, I will just continue to go along as I am doing now and doing it for myself only.

One thing I have noticed though when it comes to the dating life and the gay community in general in DC is that it's more like a small town than a bigger city. Seems like everyone knows everyone else, and many know (or think they know) far too much about other people's business and have no problems with telling everyone and their mother about it. It's a behavior that I don't particularly care for, and because of that, I tend to proceed with caution with most folks in order to stay off the radar. I've dealt with being on the receiving end of how damaging something like gossip can be, and I'd like to not put myself in a situation where it happens again. Yes, it could happen again, but at least if I watch myself, it limits any of the potential damage that could come of it.

Perhaps that's also why I tend to be friendlier with folks when I am on vacation somewhere else, I know I'm not going to be in that area for very long, and so even if something goes wrong, it will drop off the radar quickly.

By the way, if most of your social networking profile is devoted to telling everyone how much you love the person you're with and how great your relationship is, what the fuck are you trying to gloss over and/or hide? That person is likely not the right one for you and it's made you insecure enough that you're trying to convince yourself that everything is okay. It's one thing if you do a write-up about your other half when it's an anniversary or even a birthday, but if it's every other day? Problem.