A space to post my thoughts and musings about anything. This includes but is not limited to community, politics, current events, dating, GLBTQ issues, favorite things, and stuff that would make your dead relatives blush. I am not afraid to go there, as some can attest.

September 14, 2009

Go Further, Yet Step Back

So for the last few weeks I have talked about some of my interactions with people and how it's come to make me realize that with certain groups there is a sort of mob mentality that I have just not really followed into. Part of the problem I have with it is that it seems to be very limiting. Well I was having a discussion with my mom about the situation I've been through and what I've been feeling, and she asked a rather pointed question:

Do you have many straight friends?

My response was: I could use more of them.

Mom ended up bringing in a new perspective that I had not considered before. I have become complacent about looking for GLBT people who share similar interests that I do, likely because that has felt safer for me. It's time to step out of that comfort zone and involve more than just "my own kind" when it comes to my activities. Besides, then maybe I could find people that won't look at me like I have two heads when I start talking sports ;-)

It's not that I have absolutely no straight friends either, it's just more like when it comes to the mix, it's about 75% GLBT, 25% straight, and so it would be good to try and balance things out a bit anyway. So now it's just a matter of doing it. Much like when I first had to figure out where all the gays are, now it's time to take another look at where all the straights are.

Since I'm here, I might as well visit the fact that summer has basically ended and one of the things I had said was I was suspending the BF searching and just doing my own thing. Well I am going to take it a bit further back. I would again like to continue to focus on myself and the things I like to do. I think I've also made it clear by what was said up above that there are things I should continue to focus on for myself as well. Besides that, even if I have bitched at times that I have hated doing some things alone quite often, fact of the matter is that I still know damn well that when it comes to some of my interests, I am on my own with them. It ties into the fact that I need to expand my horizons of who I socialize with. I could find more people who share similar interests if I do so.

Besides that, events that I have observed over the summer seem to be a sign that right now is not the time for me to really be getting into anything with anyone else. Every time I have really had the dominating thought internally of "I really want someone here" then there has been some drama involving someone I know and their relationship with someone else. Along with that, I've also observed people I've known falling into certain patterns when it comes to their interactions, and they haven't clued in yet on just why it is that things get screwed up for them. I want to distance myself from that as it is, but since that is not always possible, I'm taking the Prime Directive as well, and I am not going to do anything that would be seen as some sort of interference. All I am going to do is sit back and watch what happens and take my own lessons from it on what not to do.  It's not even that I feel like I need to swoop in and "save" them in some nice way, it's more like I want to deck them for being so damn stupid when they should know better.  I shouldn't have to be the voice of reason when they're supposed to be the ones who are "older and wiser."

But I digress.

Point being here is that I'm just going to do what I feel like at this point, and pay attention to what is going on with me so that I don't fall into a destructive pattern.  I think in the long run it's going to make me a hell of a lot happier.