A space to post my thoughts and musings about anything. This includes but is not limited to community, politics, current events, dating, GLBTQ issues, favorite things, and stuff that would make your dead relatives blush. I am not afraid to go there, as some can attest.

February 20, 2008

Backing Up a Little

JH brought it up first so I'll mention it as well. For the last few days we have been on break from hanging out with one another. Nothing is wrong per se, we have just been hanging out every night for a few days straight, and it was time to back off from that a little and have time to ourselves. We have been together for nearly four months, and despite what some may think, this is not the time to be making plans that are exclusive for one another every day, or even consider moving in together. Besides, I like having my own apartment ;-)

I think back to a discussion I heard a few weeks ago from one of the other couples I know, they were discussing how another couple was getting ready to move in together, and why the timing of it was wrong in some ways. The point made in the discussion was that the new couple was still more focused on doing everything together, and after a while that gets old. The better way to go about it is not to merge the two lives completely together with all the same friends and interests, instead have the part that is together, and then the part that is "me" time. The couple I know, they do a lot of things together, but they also have interests and activities that are each their own, and the other person doesn't have an issue with their partner pursuing these interests. That's really what I want out of my own relationship, the fun stuff that JH and I do together, but then there's the stuff that I do on my own and that he does on his own. There's already a few examples of it, the church and political activism are more for me, and he respects that I have these activities. If he didn't, I'd be long gone.

Hell, the tone that this is taking makes it sound like there's a major issue. There really isn't one, the closest thing to an issue here is that we started out with taking things slow, now we've sped up, including how frequently we've been seeing one another, and I can't say I'm 100% ready for where it's going, and so the brakes are being applied. My past mistakes have been to take things too fast, and let someone else dictate where things are going in the relationship. I'm not willing to repeat them again. I'll admit JH may have been the one to first want this current break in seeing one another, but I'm using this time wisely for myself. From here on out it's going to be slowed down a bit.