The State of the Date

This entry has been a long time coming.

Last summer I took a complete break from the dating scene.  I decided that after basically being attached to someone every single summer for the last four years that it was time to do something different since for once I was single.  So I went and did my own thing, pursued my own interests, and it was a lot of fun for myself.  I also learned a number of things about myself along the way, with the primary one being that my interests don't always run in line with most other folks.  Later on, as I got into the fall and actually extended this self-moratorium, I became aware that one of the groups I had identified with for a few years was a group that I did not fit in with, and I would never really fit in with, and yet, I was okay with that.

Oh For Pete's Sake!

Saturday night after my performance I went out with BD to Blowoff.  I hadn't been there for two years because I didn't have the greatest impression of it, and quite frankly, nothing's changed.  I'm really not into going to places that are more of a "meat market" but that is not the point of this story.

So BD and I are there and we're mingling with some folks outside of the dance floor and BD runs into some folks he knows, including a guy named SR.  Now SR (all of this I would learn later) has always had the hots for BD, and he made it known he was still interested because he secretly told BD while I was away that he would "like to be the one making out with [BD] by the end of the night."

Later that evening, BD and I are out dancing and getting close, and there was a bit of making out going on.  Apparently SR saw this, didn't like it, and proceeded to go by and pinch BD.

What...the...fuck?!

Really, you get jealous that someone else is with a person you want, and so you proceed to pinch them?!  Come on now, little girls do that, not grown men.  Take off the dress, put on some pants, and man the fuck up.  That means you suck it up and deal with it in a more constructive way, you don't pinch a person because you're mad that they're not with you.  It also means you learn some boundaries and don't interfere with someone else's date.  SR is lucky that BD didn't tell me all this until after we had left, because there would have been words, or worse.

Ya know what though, this is the kind of drama queen bullshit that I have seen over the last few months from enough folks that when it comes to certain "communities" that I feel that they have more issues than National Geographic.  It's sad to see, but it is reality at this point.

Take A Shot

Now that some things have decidedly calmed down a bit in my life, I decided that I would try to ease back into doing more dating.  Much like other areas of my life, I want to broaden my outlook, see what I can find, and try new things.  It occurred to me that perhaps one of the reasons why I hadn't had as much luck with the dating was because I had limited myself to certain groups of people, which in itself comes with certain pitfalls.

The last time I had some decent success was through Match.com, but I didn't really feel like paying for it again, so I asked around to a few other people of what they had used.  The answer that came up was okcupid.com because it was free to message people and geared more towards the younger crowds.  So I ultimately went and created a profile there, and started poking around to see what was available.

Well color me surprised to note the number of folks who were out there and looking as well, especially around my age.  I also went through a number of questions that you can answer to help determine personality so I could get a clue as to if there could be potential personality conflicts as well.  It's been interesting to see so far.

I did go as far as to actually meet up with someone this evening at the New Deal that I had started chatting with, JMc.  However I don't think one would call it a "date" per se because it was more about actually meeting and chatting with one another face to face rather than via E-mail.  It's so much easier to get a read on a person when you're actually there.  It also turned out that besides that he lives in my neighborhood, he loves the New Deal anyway, so perfect.  It ended up that we have a number of things in common and had a lot of good conversation over dinner.  In fact, we stayed until the place closed, so that must say something, right? ;-)

If anything, he's reminding me that I should consider getting back into gaming again, we chatted quite a bit about video games, and he's very familiar with the Legend of Zelda series, so there was quite a bit of talk about that.  So right now it's looking like it's going to be the start of a very nice friendship, at least for the nerdy side of me.

It also gives me a bit of hope that I can get some good results out of okcupid, and that perhaps the reason(s) why I don't always get dates or dates that go well are not entirely due to me ;-)

Lonesome in the Wilderness

As I've noted here before I'm trying to change my scenes and approaches especially when it comes to dating. What have I learned so far? The dating pool becomes pretty shallow when you pursue interests that one would think would be common, but it turns out may not be.

I love sports, roller coasters, hiking, camping, trying new things, and being outdoors as my main interests. It shouldn't be hard to find someone who has those interests in common as well, but I have yet to find it. Perhaps I am just not looking in the right places.

I likely haven't helped my situation in that I have perfected my "fuck off" vibe, and it has been in use lately (What can I say, I am a true Scorpio). I have found in the past that when I have given off the vibe that I am out there and looking, I attract the wrong type of person for me. So now I am more on guard on just what it is I am putting out there. Also, it has to do with those who approach me and the immediate read I get from them is that they're looking my way because they're hoping to get in my pants in the next hour or two. When I was younger and stupid, I tended to miss that one and it led to some mistakes that I have learned from. I'm going to state it right here, if a person is more interested in what's between my legs than what goes on in the head that sits on my shoulders, they can just keep right on walking because they really don't deserve my time.

Perhaps I have set the bar a bit too high on what I am looking for, but at this point, I'm not willing to budge (gee, I'm stubborn as well, whodathunkit?) on it because another thing that has gotten me into trouble as well is setting the bar too low. I settled when I should have kept on moving, and this time around I am not going to settle.

I think my fear is that I am going to end up regressing back to when I went through a two-year dry spell of dates when I was in college. However, back then I was still fairly shy and instead of having the balls to just head out on my own or approach other folks, I instead stayed home. Luckily I had some buds who eventually noticed that I had not been going out and such and took it upon themselves to drag me out of my room. This time around, I may not have my buds with me directly, but I have those lessons learned and the courage to just keep on going out there, rather than stay home.

The loneliness is still here now, but it will pass. Besides, this is always the part where someone I know is going to have some major relationship drama and give me a few reminders.

Theory: Spirituality Creates a Healthy Relationship

I know a lot of couples, a big part of that being when I first moved to DC I was partnered, so of course, couples meet and stick with other couples. I also have watched a lot of relationships start and end between couples, and some of the fireworks that have gone on both during and at the end could net me a best selling tell-all book later on in my life.

Lately I have started to seek out being around more of those couples who actually have a pretty steady relationship, there isn't some big blowout drama that comes up every month, or even a potential one that's brewing. Something I have seen with all of them is that each person has had a very deep connection with their spirituality or religion, whether it be Episcopalian, Lutheran, Wiccan, Pagan, Jewish, Agnostic, Atheist, etc. Even in some of these couples, both partners don't follow the same religion or even have the exact same beliefs.  However, both partners respect one another about what they do believe and don't make it an issue when there's a difference. 

One couple that I absolutely love to death might be considered on the opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to some of the details about what they believe (although they have much in common as well), yet the both of them get along great because they both have learned a thing or two from their own spiritualities and religions about respecting one another.  There is another couple I know that is very dysfunctional.  One has pretty much always made it clear since I've known him that he wants a nice boy of his own faith, and if he can't find one, he'll just work to get the guy he's dating to convert.  If one is open to trying out a different religion or spirituality and it is something that they want to do, then by all means they should do some exploring. It has to be for themselves though, not to make someone else happy.  It should never be because a partner pressures them into doing it.  I know for myself that I like where I am right now on my own spiritual path and I am not going to let someone else change it.  

I really would like it if I could find a nice Episcopalian to get together with, but barring that, he's gotta at least respect my beliefs, and support me and my involvement with my church (and it wouldn't hurt to go to a service with me once in a while ;-) ).  I would do the same for him.

Admittedly my experience of seeing these trends are likely biased because much of my sampling comes from folks I know at my church.

Ultimately thout, if a couple can't respect one another on a difference of spirituality, than what else are they not respecting each other on?

Theory: The Bar as a Comfort Zone

There is one activity that I have come to realize is very common when it comes to the gay men around here, and it is to meet at the bar. Every week the usual invite is to go to some gay bar somewhere and meet up with folks. Unless one is staying home to rest, or is throwing a party to have people over, the social place to be at weeks end is the bar. Hell, if you want to make new friends or catch up with folks you haven't seen in a while, head to the bar. For most men, it is a safe place since they're around their own kind, and it's easy to find who or what you're looking for. Most men who find a certain bar that they like, or that bar has people that they like, tend to frequent that bar to the point it becomes pretty routine.

Here's the thing, could it just be that there is (*gasp*) more to life and socializing than just going to the bar? Personally, I think so, unfortunately reality does not always reflect that. I have been a part of social organizations and it can be a real struggle to get the men out to events, especially on a Friday night, unless it involves a bar of course.  Granted, in a smaller place like Silver City, NM, there isn't a huge amount of activities to do on a Friday night except go to the bar, unless you're meeting at a friends house.  However I live in freaking Washington DC and have Baltimore nearby, I know there's a hell of a lot more to do here on a Friday night, just pick up a newspaper.

While we're on the subject, I have yet to ever meet a guy at a bar that is really of good quality.  A few too many times I have had the experience of someone being interested in me simply because I'm conveniently right there.  Sure you claim you're interested in me, but didn't I just see you over there making out with that guy about an hour ago?  While it's fun on occasion to simply go hunting on a Friday or Saturday night to get laid, but 9 times out of 10, that's not my agenda. So needless to say, I want to expand my horizons and move beyond the bar for when it comes to meeting new people. Maybe I can finally meet more people that have similar interests.

I get it on why we like to go to the bar.   Even if you're sick of it, it's still a comfortable place to go. You know your friends are going to be there, and things can be predictable enough that you can put your guard down a bit.  But I will be damned if I am going to sit there and go to certain bars every week.  Unfortunately for me there's not a whole lot of single guys who feel the same way and decide to make a change.   Dare to ask some people to go somewhere that's not a bar and they just get this deer in the headlights look of "You're going to take me away from this, I'm scared!"

I'm done with the usual gay bars, I'd rather go do other things, which basically means I'm stepping out of that comfort zone and into the wilderness.  I definitely feel like I'm a bit on my own, yet I know it has to be done. The only way a person can truly grow and perhaps attract a much higher level of partner, is to step out of their comfort zone and broaden their horizons. Besides, if there was any reason I needed to fall back, I have a community of friends I can go to for support, and they're not the people I see at the bar.

Stepping Forward

A while back, I made much ado about needing to make a change. The first steps toward that are starting to be taken.

The biggest step(s) come from a little bit of self-realization from the other night, after a long chat with a buddy of mine on our weekly walk. For me, as much as I am attracted to a certain group of people, I just don't fit in with their "community" and I don't plug into their hive mind. I find that when I have become more involved with them, or watched other people who are involved with them, their actions become very routine, and the scope of their activities becomes limited. Perhaps to some people they need that familiarity all the time because that's what makes them feel comfortable, no matter what happens.

Thing is, it's not me. While there are some aspects of my life that tend to be routine because they do provide their own comforts, I like to go out there, try new things, and mix it up whenever I can. I find if I start repeating some of the same activities over and over and over again, I get bored and restless. Hell, it's why I've given the warning to folks that it sucks to be around me when I'm recovering from being ill. If I am laid up on the couch for too long, it makes me cranky (poor "grandma"). It's also why if I have the opportunity to do something different for an evening, I have no qualms about changing my plans unless someone else is depending on me to be somewhere.

However, I could have gone the way of just sticking with routines and not really going for the spontaneity. During part of my second year of college, I had started becoming more of a homebody because it had felt comfortable. If it hadn't been for two of my friends, I probably would have either broken out of my shell way late, or never done it at all. Of course, they were also the kind who basically said to me "Mangi, cut the bullshit, you're coming with us," and I'd be taken out to hang with them and/or with other folks as well. I'm glad they basically had the balls to do that.

Anyway, so I realize that I don't fit in with some of the groups and communities I have looked at, and that's okay, I don't have to. What I do need to do is expand my reach a little bit and look more into things that fit my passions. One part is that I'm trying to see about connecting with one of the Ravens Roosts in the area. It would be nice to connect with folks who share my passion for football and the Ravens. I will be exploring finding other groups with similar interests, but as I pointed out in a conversation with a friend the other day, it seems that I can find the organizations that are on a national level, but how about finding one that's actually on a local level?

The other thing I will be doing is cutting back my time on some of the social websites I have been on. They aren't quite meeting the standards of what I was expecting to get out of them, so why waste my time with them?

All I can do is go out there, this is not the time to retreat.

Make It Different

I need a change.

It's becoming painfully obvious that I need a new approach and scene when it comes to meeting other guys. I haven't really been meeting anyone that captures my interest, or that are actually interested in what is in my head rather than what is between my legs.

The thing is, where do I go at this point? It seems that most folks around my age are interested in going to the bars as a way to meet others, but it does get old after a while. When it comes to some of my interests, when I have met other folks, they tend to already have someone else (dammit!).

On the other hand though, the experiences I have had are helping to define just what it is I like, what I could potentially live with, and what will be a deal breaker. What I should do is begin writing it down somewhere, if only so I can compare notes and re-evaluate as I go along.

Once again though the universe gives a very strong hint that now is not the time for anything too serious. I joked to my mom the other night that every time I have a major moment of feeling lonely or frustrated when it comes to dating that then someone comes crying to me because something's fucked up in their relationship or they're having drama with someone, and all it does is make me think "This is why I'm glad to be single". Sure enough, the next day someone comes to me about some drama they were having. All right, so I get it, keep going and don't even think of settling right now. Besides, settling for the next person who has come along is what has gotten me into trouble.

Thoughts on Dating

It seems that shortly after I wrote about how I couldn't watch the video for Beyonce's Halo because it made me go to the "I need a BF" place, God/Karma/Fate/Evil Bunnies/etc. decided to remind me that I had better damn well take my time with being on my own and finding that right person, or I am going to screw myself out of years of happiness.

To make a long story short, after watching several couples in action and discussions where I have been the listening ear because someone is completely and utterly unhappy with their partner in more ways than one (I'm not counting sex issues, everyone seems to have those), it makes me wonder just how many people were in the position I was in of feeling that bit of loneliness or vulnerability and just settled for the next person that came along. I've made that mistake, I've repeated that mistake, dammit, I am not going to do that again.

I've just also reached this point where I really don't feel like getting into serious dating with anyone right now, and it's purely for selfish reasons (I am a Scorpio after all). It would be hard for anyone who knows me (friend or more) to deny that I am a giver, meaning that I give a lot more to another person than I take from them. That would be fine and dandy, except at times I've become too concerned about the other person and stopped taking care of myself so much. That has got to stop because I really should take care of myself first before I give to someone else. I am liking that right now I pretty much have the freedom to do what I want, when I want, and for the most part if there's anyone who doesn't like it, they can kiss my ass. It's why that despite my bitching a while back about the people who look at me in horror that I was going on travel by myself, it hasn't stopped me from continuing to go, because deep down, some of them are probably jealous that I'm not tied down like they are.

If one hasn't figured it out already, I'm very independent, and it has driven past boyfriends and girlfriends crazy. Going back to that I tend to give much more than I take, they get used to that I am pleasing them so they figure that I'll always do what they want to do, and then they get a nasty shock when they discover that if there is something I really truly want to do, I'm going to do it. If they say they don't want to do it, I have no qualms about doing it on my own. They can't seem to wrap their brains around the concept that I may get an enjoyment out of pleasing them, but I'm still my own person.

Until I find the person that can respect the fact that I will act independently of them when I so choose, and that they also have their own sense of independence, I will just continue to go along as I am doing now and doing it for myself only.

One thing I have noticed though when it comes to the dating life and the gay community in general in DC is that it's more like a small town than a bigger city. Seems like everyone knows everyone else, and many know (or think they know) far too much about other people's business and have no problems with telling everyone and their mother about it. It's a behavior that I don't particularly care for, and because of that, I tend to proceed with caution with most folks in order to stay off the radar. I've dealt with being on the receiving end of how damaging something like gossip can be, and I'd like to not put myself in a situation where it happens again. Yes, it could happen again, but at least if I watch myself, it limits any of the potential damage that could come of it.

Perhaps that's also why I tend to be friendlier with folks when I am on vacation somewhere else, I know I'm not going to be in that area for very long, and so even if something goes wrong, it will drop off the radar quickly.

By the way, if most of your social networking profile is devoted to telling everyone how much you love the person you're with and how great your relationship is, what the fuck are you trying to gloss over and/or hide? That person is likely not the right one for you and it's made you insecure enough that you're trying to convince yourself that everything is okay. It's one thing if you do a write-up about your other half when it's an anniversary or even a birthday, but if it's every other day? Problem.

Recognize and Break It

Recently I went on a major Beyonce kick, and started going through and watching some of her recent videos on YouTube. What can I say, I like her music and I find her talented. However, one of her videos unexpectedly hit me hard in the emotional area.

The song "Halo" is Beyonce describing being with a guy that is the one for her. Around him she feels like she can be completely free and that he's everything for her. Of course, the video shows her and her guy doing the very happy couple thing. The part that hit me though was at about 1:40 into the video. Beyonce is waking up and she looks over and there's her man, just laying there next to her, watching her sleep, with a bit of a smile on his face.

I look at that and the thought that immediately comes to mind is "Dammit, why can't I have that?" I know what the answer is, I can have it, but the right person has to come along, and that is the part that hasn't happened yet. So I must be patient, though that doesn't mean sitting at home waiting for them to show up.

There is something else I recognize in this, and it is that for whatever reason I've hit a point of being a bit vulnerable. This is also the point that has gotten me into trouble in the past. I've felt that twinge of loneliness or thought I was in a position to move forward to find someone, and then ended up with someone who was wrong for me, because I got it into my head that I wanted that "happy couple" feeling going on in my life. No thanks, I am not going to torture myself like that again. Not only have I done it to myself, but I've watched others do it to themselves as well, so perhaps this time around I'm a bit wiser.

For a while though, I'll just have to stop myself from watching Halo again. While the fantasy is nice, the last thing I should do is get too caught up in the idea of it. Besides, I want a man who stands beside me.

A BF Free Summer

This June marks my fourth year (and fifth summer) since moving to the DC area, and I am declaring that for me this summer will be a BF Free summer.

To recap a bit of history, 2005 and 2006 were with MS, 2007 with JS, and 2008 with JH.  So every summer I have been in a relationship with someone, and I have come to figure that after spending enough time being with others, for once I should enjoy a summer in DC where I am on my own.

What's driving this line of thought is that right now I really don't have a desire to be  in a relationship.  I've been enjoying the past few months since stepping back down to casual dating with TB.  I'm enjoying going out with folks just to go out with them.  I finally get it for once about what friends and family have been saying to me about going out and dating a number of folks to find out just what it is I like and don't like. 

So, it's time to do my thing and have fun with it.  I can look at getting serious with someone else later.

Stepping Back

Since December, TB and I have gone from being friends to dating to boyfriends.  We get along very well together because we hold a lot of the same values and have similar ideas about what we want to do.  Besides that, we share common interests and have gotten along very well.  Folks who have seen us together have remarked about how happy we are together and they can see relations between the two of us going somewhere.

One of the reasons things have gone this way is because we both agreed that we would take things slow.  The both of us have been there, done that when it comes to relations, and I know I have certainly learned my lesson about moving too fast.  Also, I had only been about 3 months out of a relationship when we started dating, so I had wanted to keep things casual anyway so that we could still date other people as we were getting to know one another.  We found that we enjoyed the company of one another, so it was natural that eventually we were exclusively dating.

In the last month, TB has had some big life changes come down the pike.  He moved into his own space at a friends house, and recently moved to share a house with his cousin.  He also got a new job in a completely different line of work from what he had been doing.  He had been a mover with his parent's moving company since his teens and he was ready for a change.  Now he works for a company doing forensic cleanup.  Yes, he cleans up crime scenes, along with cleaning up after floods and fires.  It was something that sounded interesting to him, and he went and got this job.  That is such an improvement over folks I have known who bitch that they hate their job and it is holding them back, but they make absolutely no effort to look for a new job or improve the environment they work in.

What this has also meant though is TB is kept busy, especially because the nature of his work means he doesn't always know when he's going to have to head out to a job.  Too bad you can't schedule when someone is going to set their house on fire, have their sewer back up, or stab someone over an ex-girlfriend.  As such, he does work during the day Monday through Friday, but he also will go on call every other week, meaning he can be called in at any time, day or night, including weekends.  When he took his job, he knew there would be plenty of overtime, and he wants to get established in his career with this, so he takes it when he can get it.  He's been there just over a month, and he is happy with what he is doing, and they like him very well to where they're looking to make him a crew leader by the end of this summer.  So this looks like this is working very well for him.

What it has meant though is we haven't necessarily been able to plan to spend time together like we have in the past.  Sometimes we have made plans and then other things such as a job for him or an event for me have meant that we had to break those plans.  It hasn't been the easiest thing for both of us, so it became necessary that we talk about where things are going.  

TB was feeling bad because of having to cancel planned time, and he felt that it wasn't fair to have me make plans to be with him and then he can't be there, and so I might have ended up missing out on something else.  I felt that it isn't good for him to be in a situation where when he does have some free time, I'm expecting him to hang out with me.  I don't want to put him in that position, especially when he is getting started with his career.  He's enjoying it, and he should focus on his career right now, not on me.

So at this point, we have decided to step things back a bit, and go to casual dating rather than be exclusive right now.  Let me stress this is not a break-up per se.  We still are dating one another, but without the pressures that come with exclusively dating.  He can focus on his work, I can focus on my upcoming conference presentation, plus we can still pursue our interests, together and separately, without getting into a whole thing of trying to plan time together.  At some time in the future, when things are settled, we can re-evaluate things again and see where we want to go.

I'm actually not that bothered that things are going this way right now.  I view it as a little detour in making things work in the long run for the both of us.  If we tried to continue the way we were we'd probably end up stressed out and pissed off at one another, then we would break up and there would probably be no real chance of having a friendship after that.  Besides, this was also why I wanted to take things slow, we could adjust to whatever life threw at us, and I think we will come out of this with a much stronger connection with one another and a good chance that we'd be in it for the long haul.

Like always, we shall see where things go, but I am actually feeling good about this.

People Can Be Crazy

What do you do when you watch someone cockblock themselves?  Do you observe and mentally make notes so you don't do the same thing in your own interactions, or do you say something to the person?

It's just something I have noticed both times that I was out on a Friday night.  Someone I knew was working to get the attention of someone else, and right when all is going well, they do something unexpected to completely sabotage their chances.  Then they're wondering why they're not getting laid that night.

I admit, in one situation I called a person out on it, saying their actions were pretty stupid, and in another one someone already was on them about their actions so I didn't have to say anything.  Still, one wonders when it is and is not inappropriate to say something.  Not just in a situation like this, but in a number of situations that can occur in our daily lives.

Check the Attitude at the Door

When is it right to point out that someone's behavior is a turn-off and they should consider a change of attitude?

I was on one of my usual social sites this evening and I started a conversation with a guy I've talked to online off and on for a few months.  At one point he jokingly says that he is still mad that I have a boyfriend now.  I tell him that it wasn't like he was the only one that was showing interest in me.  He then says (paraphrasing here) "It's okay, it looks like I am going to be stuck being single for a long time so I might as well just get used to it."

Hold it, back up for a second, read that again to yourself and then read it out loud.  If you were to hear someone say something like that to you and you were single, would you still want to go out with them?  If you do, I'd have to call you naive or say that you're being way too nice.

I was very sorely tempted to say back to him "See, this is why you'll stay single.  You say something like that and you come off as trying to make the other person feel guilty so they'll go out with you."  However, I kept my mouth shut and it was appropriate to do so.  I haven't met him in real life so he's not really a friend, at least by my standards.  The question still remains, when is it appropriate and with who?

I think we're all guilty of pulling a stunt like this at some point or another for whatever reason, but if it is consistent behavior then we should be called on it.   Unless they manage to find someone who is naive enough to not catch that behavior and also has the patience of a saint, most folks are going to take one look at that and be turned off immediately.  I should know, I was once that naive person that put up with that sort of behavior, but not now, and not ever again.

One of the Best Ever

This Valentines Day had to be one of the best I ever had.

The plan was to meet up with TB and head into DC to see some of the museums. He wanted to see the remodeled American History museum so that was on the agenda. I saw at the American Indian museum that there was a special exhibit on chocolate for that weekend, so I added that to the agenda this well. I had mentioned a noodle place in Chinatown that I liked, and TB loves Chinese food, so it was the perfect idea for either lunch or dinner.

We left Greenbelt around 10 AM and metroed down to the National Mall where we hit the Smithsonian American History Museum first. TB wanted to see the exhibit of the first ladies, so we lined up and walked through the exhibit. A bonus was that we struck up a conversation with the docent at the head of the line and she gave us and the people nearby a guided tour of the items in there. The current room where the first ladies exhibit resides is actually temporary until they finish the permanent room where they will reside.

After the first ladies, we went downstairs to first look at Julia Child's kitchen, which is always a personal favorite of mine. Next it was off to the science exhibit before then going through the exhibit on America at War. By the time we saw those exhibits, it was getting close to 1 PM and the museum was getting crowded with folks there. We wanted to see Lincoln's hat, but the line just to get in the room with the presidential items was quickly filling up and heading down the hall. We decided to head out to our next destination.

After grabbing some spring rolls from one of the food trailers, we walked over to the Smithsonian Museum of the American Indian to see the chocolate exhibit I was interested in.  The woman at the information desk told us that it was on the first floor, and that at 3 PM there would "Peruvian Scissor Dancers" in the center of the first floor, and to get there early for a seat, unless you wanted to watch while standing from the side or one of the upper floors.  We wandered the chocolate tables and got to see and touch cocoa pods, cocoa beans, cocoa butter, cocoa liquor, and some of the finished chocolate products.

We had some time to kill so we wandered through the exhibits upstairs and looked at the various items.  Like other Smithsonian museums, one needs all day to be able to see everything.  We are in agreement that we will have to come back again to try to see everything.  When it got to be around 2:30 we headed back to the first floor and grabbed a few seats in the front row of chairs.  Within the next 15 minutes the place filled up, including people sitting on the floor in front of us.  Right at 3 PM the dancers came out.  To sort of explain why they are the Peruvian "Scissor Dancers" imagine a pair of scissors with the middle bolt taken out so they don't stay together, and so you are able to let each half strike against one another to make the noise.  So they're holding the scissor in one hand as they dance.  It started out with them dancing together with some difficult footwork before moving on to where each one took turns doing individual dances.  Each person would dance for about 30-40 seconds but the dance they would do involved acrobatic tricks.  It was fun to watch; I captured most of their dances on my cell phone and I'm hoping I can put them together in a decent video to post here later.

After the dancers were done, we hopped on Metro and went over to Gallery Place/Chinatown.  We wandered around the neighborhood to see what was around.  Verizon Center was rather busy, and I wondered why.  When we finally walked by there I figured out it was Disney On Ice was there that evening.  An interesting fact, you can record Disney on Ice for your personal use, according to the signs that were on the doors.  An event like Disney on Ice is the last thing I would expect to allow recording, considering you can't record or even take photographs of most concerts.  Prior to walking by the Verizon Center, we walked around, saw the inside of a Catholic church, stopped by the Law Enforcement Memorial, and walked through most of the neighborhood before heading off for dinner.

Dinner was over at Chinatown Express, if you have ever been there it's known for that you can watch the chef in the window making either noodles or dumplings, depending on the time of day.  We both enjoyed some dumplings along with noodles in soup with beef for dinner.  It was good as usual.  TB not only likes Chinese food, but he is all about hitting local restaurants, including ones that may look like a dive.  It blew his mind to see how much dinner was that night, because it was less than expected.  After dinner we stopped by Red Velvet Cupcakery to pick up some dessert, but they weren't going to have another batch of red velvet cupcakes for half an hour, so we said we'd come back.  After going down E street a bit and walking towards Fords Theatre, we thought that paying $3.25 per cupcake was a bit much when we could just make our own.

We metroed back to Greenbelt and made a stop at the Co-op for red velvet cake mix and cream cheese frosting before heading to my place.  We whipped up the cake and watched La Cage Aux Folles before falling asleep.

A day spent with someone interesting, doing fun things, and not having to spend a kings ransom to do it?  Best. Day. Ever.  Hope I get to do plenty more of these.

Find Me A Find...Catch Me A Catch...

After a chat with some of my friends over the past weekend, I am apparently banned from picking out my own boyfriends, especially because I just have not had the greatest luck doing so.

Ya know what, they can take a crack at finding me a good man. They know me well enough and if it works out, great, and if not, no major loss. At this point I am getting more enjoyment out of meeting a number of new people and hanging out with them, without the pressures that come from taking it beyond a casual level.

Also, there may be a few opportunities coming down the pike that will be much easier to act on if I am not tied down ;-) Just have to see how it shakes out.

The Original Point

I really should reconsider writing a blog entry at 1 in the morning, not because it fails to make sense, but sometimes if I am tired enough I completely go off of the original point.

In "Companion vs Self" I was discussing the fact that I had extra tickets to events, and that perhaps that wasn't always the wisest move.  The main point for me is that I got way into the mindset that when I go to events, I go with someone, so I end up buying two tickets to things.  I shouldn't be that way.  At this point, it is perfectly acceptable to go to some events alone and I should remember that and only buy one ticket.

Maybe that's why I haven't stayed single for long.  I sabotage myself because for some things I expect to go with  someone instead of by myself.  No more, I am breaking that habit.  I will take more consideration into an event and connclude if its fine to go it alone or take a friend.

On A Lighter Note

I believe that someone I knew last summer has a crush on me and is looking to make his move.

Sabbatical

...Or "Why Mangi Needs to Pay Attention to Himself and Not be Such a Fuck Up"

Despite the fact that JH and I broke up a few months ago, we have continued to remain good friends, as evidenced by the recent travels. However, since we have been hanging out, there has been that bit of tension there since we were once a couple. I admit that despite it all, I still had feelings for JH.

Recently JH approached me about getting back together. I held off because I wasn't sure I wanted to get back with him, plus due to some of the reasons behind the breakup, I questioned his motives. I wanted to be sure it was JH who wanted me back because he wanted to be with me and not because it was him being jealous that I had been seeing other people. He wasn't happy with the fact that I kept on questioning him, but I just needed to know it.

Last weekend it all came to a head, and what it came down to was "Are you going to be with me, or not, because I am not going to wait around forever for an answer." I'm sitting there and I am trying to sort out what I am feeling because I want him back but I am not completely ready to say yes. Yet I ultimately said I wanted to be back together.

So there, we were a couple again, but something still didn't feel right. A few days later we had another conversation, and JH said "Are you absolutely sure you want to have a relationship?" and I said yes, thinking that I did. I wanted to be with JH because we had a good thing going on and I thought we could make it work again.

Then I woke up the next morning and one of my first thoughts was "Mangi, what the fuck are you doing? You're not ready for this, you're going to lose your independence." Finally it came out as to just what it was that was bothering me.

When I was single again, I relished being completely independent. As my parents can tell you, I have always had a streak of wanting to be independent and do things on my own. After JS but before JH, I had actually learned that I was fine with being on my own, I could do it without a problem. I liked it when I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, and I didn't have to answer to someone over what I was doing and/or what I wanted to do. Now don't get me wrong in that I liked doing things with JH because we had very similar interests and could find stuff that was mutually satisfying, I just happened to re-discover selfishness and I liked it.

So now I am in this quandry, I like being with JH, but I also like my independence. How to resolve this? Well let's be honest, there isn't really a good way to do that right now, especially because being in a relationship means that no, you can't just do what you want, and yes, you won't just automatically get your own way.

I tell about this to one of my friends, and he proceeds to lay a verbal smack upside the head as to what I was doing, and he threw to me some advice, which will come up later.

So now its the matter of how do I explain this to JH? For the next few days I would agonize over this because I knew this was a potential minefield, plus I was kicking myself because in my mind, I screwed up big time, and JH would have every right to be angry and not want anything to do with me, and I would have deserved it. In the meantime, I was also cautious around him, not trying to overly flirt or whatever because if it came to that we needed to step back and just be friends, I didn't want to lead him on and therefore make things worse.

Finally tonight I just admitted to everything that was bothering me. Surprisingly enough JH wasn't mad at me, and was rather understanding. He had picked up something was not right from me, and he was just waiting for me to admit that I wasn't ready for a relationship. He doesn't want to be in a relationship if I am having doubts about being able to commit, and I don't blame him, I wouldn't want to be in that either. He doesn't hate me and still wants to be friends. In fact, we're attending the Ravens vs Browns game tomorrow, so I should be in bed now, but I had to get this out.

Anyway, in the meantime however I am taking the advice of my friend. I am taking a hiatus from dating right now. I still want to hang out with friends, meet new people and such, but I am not actively seeking to date or even just get some. I am going to take time for myself and do just what it is that I want, and also learn more about just what it is I want out of my life and my relationships. I know I will be better for it.

Mamma Mia!

Since Hanna basically blew through here without major incident in the Greenbelt area, I kept to a backup plan of doing a movie and then dinner with PK this evening. We met in Columbia and went to see Mamma Mia! since I had never seen the movie.

I loved it, and if you haven't seen it yet, try to see it before the theaters make it disappear. Meryl Streep surprised me with how well she can sing. Pierce Brosnan...not so much, he should have had more vocal training, especially with diction. I knew that Christine Baranski could sing since she had a role in Chicago, but she has a lot more vocal time in this movie and so you really get to see what she can do. In an opinion sure to confuse some, she's definitely a GILF.

The movie is cute, the music was done well, there was definitely plenty to look at, and the plot was done well. I remember some talking about it and that you had to ignore some issues with the timeline, but since I am not intimately familiar with Mamma Mia! as a stage show, it seemed to fit to me. I think I'll have to pick this one up on DVD when it is released.

After the movie PK and I went over to Longhorn Steakhouse for dinner. We each had the prime rib, and maybe I've just been really spoiled by Annies, but the prime rib was not as tender as I was used to. It was still tasty, so I had no reason to complain to the waitress.

We dropped by the Verizon store so I could look at the Samsung Glyde again. By the end of the time there and a discussion, I realize that I would probably do better with upgrading to a slightly better plan (but not the highest one) and just getting one of the cheap phones, as long as it will do the VZ navigation. As for my other needs, I'd be better off getting a laptop, but that is for a later post.

Dropped by Starbucks, I had a pumpkin spice latte, which was pretty good. I love seasonal flavors. Then PK took me back to my car and I headed back to Greenbelt. It was a good night, I had fun, and I enjoyed my time out.