A space to post my thoughts and musings about anything. This includes but is not limited to community, politics, current events, relationships, LGBTQ+ issues, favorite things, and stuff that would make your dead relatives blush. I am not afraid to go there, as some can attest.

July 09, 2009

Recognize and Break It

Recently I went on a major Beyonce kick, and started going through and watching some of her recent videos on YouTube. What can I say, I like her music and I find her talented. However, one of her videos unexpectedly hit me hard in the emotional area.

The song "Halo" is Beyonce describing being with a guy that is the one for her. Around him she feels like she can be completely free and that he's everything for her. Of course, the video shows her and her guy doing the very happy couple thing. The part that hit me though was at about 1:40 into the video. Beyonce is waking up and she looks over and there's her man, just laying there next to her, watching her sleep, with a bit of a smile on his face.

I look at that and the thought that immediately comes to mind is "Dammit, why can't I have that?" I know what the answer is, I can have it, but the right person has to come along, and that is the part that hasn't happened yet. So I must be patient, though that doesn't mean sitting at home waiting for them to show up.

There is something else I recognize in this, and it is that for whatever reason I've hit a point of being a bit vulnerable. This is also the point that has gotten me into trouble in the past. I've felt that twinge of loneliness or thought I was in a position to move forward to find someone, and then ended up with someone who was wrong for me, because I got it into my head that I wanted that "happy couple" feeling going on in my life. No thanks, I am not going to torture myself like that again. Not only have I done it to myself, but I've watched others do it to themselves as well, so perhaps this time around I'm a bit wiser.

For a while though, I'll just have to stop myself from watching Halo again. While the fantasy is nice, the last thing I should do is get too caught up in the idea of it. Besides, I want a man who stands beside me.

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