A space to post my thoughts and musings about anything. This includes but is not limited to community, politics, current events, relationships, LGBTQ+ issues, favorite things, and stuff that would make your dead relatives blush. I am not afraid to go there, as some can attest.

October 01, 2009

Theory: The Bar as a Comfort Zone

There is one activity that I have come to realize is very common when it comes to the gay men around here, and it is to meet at the bar. Every week the usual invite is to go to some gay bar somewhere and meet up with folks. Unless one is staying home to rest, or is throwing a party to have people over, the social place to be at weeks end is the bar. Hell, if you want to make new friends or catch up with folks you haven't seen in a while, head to the bar. For most men, it is a safe place since they're around their own kind, and it's easy to find who or what you're looking for. Most men who find a certain bar that they like, or that bar has people that they like, tend to frequent that bar to the point it becomes pretty routine.

Here's the thing, could it just be that there is (*gasp*) more to life and socializing than just going to the bar? Personally, I think so, unfortunately reality does not always reflect that. I have been a part of social organizations and it can be a real struggle to get the men out to events, especially on a Friday night, unless it involves a bar of course.  Granted, in a smaller place like Silver City, NM, there isn't a huge amount of activities to do on a Friday night except go to the bar, unless you're meeting at a friends house.  However I live in freaking Washington DC and have Baltimore nearby, I know there's a hell of a lot more to do here on a Friday night, just pick up a newspaper.

While we're on the subject, I have yet to ever meet a guy at a bar that is really of good quality.  A few too many times I have had the experience of someone being interested in me simply because I'm conveniently right there.  Sure you claim you're interested in me, but didn't I just see you over there making out with that guy about an hour ago?  While it's fun on occasion to simply go hunting on a Friday or Saturday night to get laid, but 9 times out of 10, that's not my agenda. So needless to say, I want to expand my horizons and move beyond the bar for when it comes to meeting new people. Maybe I can finally meet more people that have similar interests.

I get it on why we like to go to the bar.   Even if you're sick of it, it's still a comfortable place to go. You know your friends are going to be there, and things can be predictable enough that you can put your guard down a bit.  But I will be damned if I am going to sit there and go to certain bars every week.  Unfortunately for me there's not a whole lot of single guys who feel the same way and decide to make a change.   Dare to ask some people to go somewhere that's not a bar and they just get this deer in the headlights look of "You're going to take me away from this, I'm scared!"

I'm done with the usual gay bars, I'd rather go do other things, which basically means I'm stepping out of that comfort zone and into the wilderness.  I definitely feel like I'm a bit on my own, yet I know it has to be done. The only way a person can truly grow and perhaps attract a much higher level of partner, is to step out of their comfort zone and broaden their horizons. Besides, if there was any reason I needed to fall back, I have a community of friends I can go to for support, and they're not the people I see at the bar.

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