A space to post my thoughts and musings about anything. This includes but is not limited to community, politics, current events, relationships, LGBTQ+ issues, favorite things, and stuff that would make your dead relatives blush. I am not afraid to go there, as some can attest.

March 02, 2008


I mentioned in my last entry that JH and I went out on Saturday because our Friday night plans had to be moved for good reason. That good reason would be the fact that Friday morning, his doctor's office called and said that there were two open slots to get the second sleep study done before he could have his surgery. Either he would go that night, or he would have to wait until April 20th. Being that he has his head on straight, he chose the former (If you want to read about the test, here's his entry).

So he calls me up to let me know that he has to break our date and he's really sorry but it has to be done, and to ask that I decide what to do Saturday. The way it came off was that he was expecting me to lay on a guilt trip because he had to cancel out. As I would tell him, "Your health takes higher priority than a date with me."

Here's the deal, I'm a pretty flexible person when it comes to planning outings with friends or boyfriends. Just from being out here it seems you have to be ready for anything to happen. Of course, sometimes it has bitten me in the ass because I don't always see the line where I should walk away because the plans have been fucked with to the point of no return (Lesson Learned: If people invite extra friends without informing you, turn around and run.)

Anyway, so for JH to have to cancel plans because he needs to get the sleep study done is not a problem to me. If he decided to put it off until April because he wanted to see me, I would have to seriously question his mental health. Besides, JH has always kept dates before, and he's not pulling the classic passive-aggressive move I have experienced in the past of being told that someone would be there or go with me, and then decide at the last possible minute while I'm getting ready that they don't want to go because "they don't feel like it." That's the kind of shit I won't put up with, and I would have good reason to bitch out JH or anyone else if they try to pull shenanigans like that.

Since I'm dropping thinly veiled comparisons to my ex's anyway I'll also point out that earlier this week meant that I was with a very distraught JH and he was melodramatic for good reasons. The thought that came to my mind was that if this was the kind of situation that got him upset and dramatic then thank God because he's normal and not going to play the drama queen victim card at the drop of a hat. Perhaps that's why I like JH so much, he actually works towards a solution rather than crying about everything that's going wrong, and then doing nothing about it to fix it. If he behaved that way, he probably wouldn't have even seen a doctor about the problem in the first place.

The other conversation we had this week was him flat out telling me that if for some reason his surgery fell on a date when I would be in Phoenix visiting my family, I was not allowed to cancel my trip. He knows I've been looking forward to my trip to Phoenix because it has been over a year since I visited and I haven't seen my family in some time. I admit, it was something that I had been thinking about and was going to talk to him about, but he happened to beat me to the punch.

It kind of opens up a small quandary because some people would disagree with what he said because he is my boyfriend after all, and he could be considered family. So the question is, how serious does a relationship have to be to say that a serious situation with the one you're with takes priority over "fun" time with your family? I think in the case of JH and I right now, he would be more likely to want me there no matter what if his immediate family wasn't here in Maryland. Since he does have family and friends that can be there, if I was in Phoenix they could get in touch with me since I'm only a phone call away.

It's not something that has to be answered now, but they will come in time. I'll know in a few days when his surgery is scheduled, and quite frankly, I doubt it's going to fall while I'm on vacation, so I'll be there anyway.


  1. Hainvg been in your shoes (how often can someone really say that?) and being 1000(s) of miles from your family isn't easy.

    I'm only one year removed from living in Southern Florida.

    I value family time as you know. If something happens to me during my surgery there is nothing you can do about it whether you are in Arizona or Maryland.

    Go have fun and I'll send you a text when I come too.

    I love you!


  2. *laughs* You're making it sound like you expect me to be out of town when you have your surgery!